4 straightforward steps to better mental health

Whether you're getting sober, overcoming depression, or simply in a funk, these four steps to take are guaranteed to help you out.

Just like physical health, mental health takes forming better habits. After struggling for five years with alcoholism and having so many “last drinks”, I realized that I was chasing an answer to everything. In other words, I was desperately holding on for something or someone to tell me how to fix my brain and tell me exactly why I’m suffering. After spending years trying to figure it out, and what seemed like a million different diagnoses, I realized that the human mind is much more complex than that and our feelings and behaviors cannot be perfectly explained from a doctor’s diagnosis or therapy sessions. These open the door for us and help us understand how we operate as individuals, but they will not “fix” us. We do not need “fixing”. After almost two years of sobriety, these are four important steps I take every day to improve my mental state:

#1 - Stop chasing answers that may not exist

Stop chasing the answers that might not exist. You’ll spend more time thinking about what the issues are than taking care of yourself. Throughout my life, I have jumped from therapist to therapist, hospital to rehab, and medication to medication. Although each experience has taught me something significant and aided me in my journey, I noticed a pattern:

With each therapist, psychiatrist, hospital, rehab, etc. came different perspectives and interpretations of my life story. Even though I seemed to tell my story and share my struggles countless times with countless people, each person will interpret it differently based on their expertise and personal experiences. Even though multiple opinions are always a good idea for mental and physical ailments, this can result in confusion and desperation for a correct diagnosis.

Even if the diagnosis is correct, treatment varies from person to person since not everyone experiences depression, anxiety, addiction, bipolar disorder, ADHD, etc. the exact same. I am not saying that seeking treatment is a waste of time; trying new treatment options helps you find what works. If the answers are not crystal clear, do not be discouraged. What we need will change over the years and will take time to find.

Stop the search and start living.

#2 - Stick with what works for you

When I first decided to try sobriety, I forced myself into AA meetings that were making me feel worse because that’s what I was told was a fool-proof cure. These meetings can be life-saving for many people, and the feeling of community is so important when you feel lost and alone. On the other hand, it is ritualistic and more traditional, which does not work for everyone. It’s okay if something doesn’t work for you. Recovery is not one-size-fits-all.

If you find yourself forcing yourself into activities that overwhelm you or make you feel uncomfortable, it's most likely not setting you up for success. It is good to try things that are out of your comfort zone, but consistently pushing past that zone makes everything feel unnatural and impossible. For example, I tried by hardest to wake up at dawn every morning and go to the gym. That lasted two days. This might work for many, but definitely not for someone who has been a night owl since birth.

Stick with your personal style.

#3 - Set boundaries with others

It’s not selfish to need time for yourself daily. As a so-called "people-pleaser", I always felt the need to immediately respond to texts, take the shift someone needs covered, and put others' needs before mine. Does this sound like you?

It is okay to help others, but putting your own mental health at risk will result in burnout. These are some examples of steps I made to set these boundaries:

1. I put my phone on "do not disturb" mode whenever I need time for myself to sleep, write, read, or take a candlelit bubble bath. You can't be tempted to respond to notifications that don't show up.

2. I always check for prior commitments on my calendar, to do lists, and personal needs before I immediately respond to covering a shift at work for someone. I do not budge with begging or bribery anymore if I am simply unable to help. It is okay to say no without apologizing.

3. If I need alone time, I take it. No explanations necessary.

#4 - Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket

Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. In other words, don’t spend all of your energy trying to perfect one aspect of life. On the other hand, don't overwhelm yourself by trying to "fix your life" in a weekend. This will throw things off balance completely. Find your equilibrium. The best example I can think of has been challenging me for years, and I can imagine many people can relate to it: my weight.

Growing up thin, I never thought that would change. As my body has evolved into adulthood, I have definitely gained a few pounds and made the mistake of judging my character because of it, often criticizing myself for "letting myself go", being lazy, etc. None of these are true. Losing weight seemed to take over my every thought and action, throwing me into obsessive dieting and exercise habits that were not sustainable.

Once I made the decision that I will make mental health a priority, physical health followed that. Instead of making healthier choices for a goal regarding physical appearance, I make these decisions for supporting everyday health and happiness. This became much more natural and helped me be much kinder to myself as a result.

Put yourself first today.